Monday, November 30, 2015

in love with a hard land












Everything it throws at me. Everything it teaches me. Everything holy I see, find, hold in my hand. Everything I return to the earth, grateful for the lesson learned.

(I've kind of checked out lately, as I wade through the soul-sucking process of sorting my mom's belongings. Learning things I never knew about her. Sometimes feeling I am violating such a private and intimate space. Giving up and then returning to the boxes and mountain of memories. And in the midst of it all, I spot a small, purple heart-shaped rock that falls from a box of her things.)

But on this late fall day, when the sun starts to set and the shadows lengthen along my mesa, I know why I continue to return to this place. It gives me hope. It makes me believe. It grounds me.

I am hopelessly in love with this crazy, wild land.

20 comments:

  1. oh, Julie! the message in that tumbling little heart-shaped rock! i always look at these as signs, reminders of love that is certainly still present. all things in time-- i continue to be given things that were my mother's almost 45 years after her passing. this year i got a set of tiny birds from their years in japan (where i was born) and a rolled bundle of knitting needles and crochet hooks organized by size. i only began knitting two years ago. all the years that they were waiting for me to be ready... reminders of love still present.
    may the land continue to hold and cradle you, to ground you and to love you back. your piece of it is waiting.
    xoxo

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    1. Janet....the birds and the knitting needles....that is so beautiful. It is so true that there are reminders of loved ones presence all around us.

      I was frustrated, standing among THINGS and packing material when I looked down and saw the heart-shaped rock. For a moment, time stood still. I know I needed that.
      xx

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  2. Holy living, Julie! I was thinking, if your landscape is hard then it is strong for you. Supportive of you. :)

    What you've shared resonated deeply with me - at the end of my dad's life (last year) I was sent a small box of his belongings from Germany - I've gone through it at different times and well,,, I think you know...
    I'm actually in the process of simplifying my own items - I feel I have mountains of stuff - weird, but I don't want anyone to have to
    deal with mass amounts of my things if I were to pass on.

    Gentle hugs and peace to you.

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    1. Sandra....so sorry about your dad. Going through a parents' belongings, those sacred things, brings out every emotion known to man. I guess it's something we have to do.
      And like you, I am also trying to simplify and downsize. Life just feels easier that way.
      Hugs to you too.
      xx

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  3. Learning things I never knew about her....well, you found out she liked rocks, just like you.
    So, tuck that little heart rock in your jeans pocket and carry it with you every single day. Feel it. Love it. Remember.
    Your words here made me cry. I'm glad you have a soft spot for that wild, sometimes harsh land. You bring out the best in eachother.
    xoxo

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    1. I learned she kept my hair (!!) from my very first haircut. She kept my first shoes and hat. And yes, she kept rocks. Strange how we all have our special rocks.
      Thank you for your words, my dear sister of the wild lands. Someday I'll introduce you to that crazy mesa.
      xx

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  4. I'm sorry your heart aches so. May you remember only love and joy when you sort and organize. Give the rest to the wind on your mesa, let the seeds of sorrow turn to wildflowers in the spring.
    xx

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    1. Such poetic advice, and it's just what I needed to hear. Thank you for that.
      xx

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  5. geez. i feel ya'....

    xx

    [seems you love the things i love, especially mitts, and rocks, and horseshoes, and dog toes....]

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    1. Those dog toes....they'll get ya every time.
      xx

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  6. such heart felt beauty ... from your images ... to your words ... your sweet heart shaped rock and those sweet little dog toes ~ hugs to you.

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    1. Thanks, Deb. Seems there's always beauty to be found....even in the sadness....even in the dog toes. Hugs to you too.
      x

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  7. The photo of your fur baby's fingers is probably one of my most favorites ever!! Oh my goodness!!! Made me smile!! Such a wonderful post!!! Have a beautiful weekend, my friend!!! xoxo

    ~ Wendy

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    1. I love those toes....and the dog that's attached to them! Hope all is going well for you in the new house. Have a great weekend yourself!
      xx

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  8. Hello Julie, such a touching post, such an interesting landscape and touching finds in your mothers things.
    I am sure her light surrounds you in times likes there. Sending you some sunny skies from Thailand.
    XoDagmar

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    1. Thank you, Dagmar, for your beautiful words. Enjoy your time in Thailand....it must be an amazing place to visit!
      xx

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  9. Your love shines through all that you show us here. I love what Farm and Field says above, what perfect advice, and so true to life. I experienced something very similar sounding while going through my dad's things. Handling them, going through them, making decisions, it all felt to weighty. But like you I was able to take all of that weight out to the high desert where he lived for 45 years and give it to the wind and rabbit brush and sage, where I could feel him all around me.

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    1. It's one of the hardest things to do....to let go. But I have learned that letting go of the "things" does not mean I've let go of the memories. Yes, Farm and Field said it well when she said "give it to the wind." Such a wise woman.
      xx

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    2. Yes, we put a lot of value into the memory of things, when really the memories are in our hearts.

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    3. So true, Clare, so true. (And it's alot easier to carry the memories with us....as opposed to carrying the "stuff" with us.)
      xx

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