Thursday, February 20, 2014

no rain

It's a hard place, this southwest desert.
Things are drying up out here on the mesa.

Even the prehistoric people left this valley long ago.

The mountains have no snow on them.
Maybe my pyramid power rock will bring rain.

Kicking up dust, wandering the west mesa. Looking to the sky, wondering if rain will come. Feeling like one of those long-ago dust bowl farmers, hopelessly living day to day under the sun, watching the clouds come and go, wishing the rain would come.

It's been 16 days since the last precipitation. Before that it was a record-breaking 42 days of dry weather.
In recent days it's been 68 degrees in the shade with 35mph sustained winds.

(I want to hear the thunder, feel the rain on my face, smell the air after the storm passes.)

I fear it's going to be a long, hot spring, followed by an even longer, hotter summer.

 (Sun and wind. This is the New Mexico I’ve come to know all too well in the past nine years. This week was no exception, as I walked the dogs on the west mesa and tried to take pictures against the wind. Sometimes it was so strong I could not hold the camera steady.

Many mornings I lie in bed and see the sun through the curtains and I hate the thought of getting up, facing yet another day of relentless sun. I wonder why I was brought to this place, this hard and unforgiving landscape, this baked land that I cannot seem to put roots in.

Is it fair to wish for a life that was not so hard? A life where I had always made the right choices, lived in the right places, done the right thing?

Is it right to question what I have or to try harder to appreciate what is around me? 

The ground is so hard here, my roots, seeking a place to call their own, won’t grow here. I feel I could, (and should), be blown away with the winds that come all to often here.

I would be blown and tumbled like a seed, landing in the soft earth, somewhere else, with rain to nourish me and snow to cool me.
A place my roots would grow. A place to call home.

Will the rain come and soften this life and this hard ground, or will the winds scatter me, scatter my thoughts, scatter my life, so I can begin again?)

8 comments:

  1. There is something good, natural and *right* about having four strong seasons. A cycle that is true and faithful. Sometimes I am a little taken aback by how connected to the weather I am. Perhaps you should seek more fertile soil, that your brittle roots may take purchase, grow strong and sure, and thrive.
    Be well Julie.

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    1. Thanks for stopping in here, Brandi. I wish it was as easy as picking up and leaving. I suppose it could be, but the husband fears leaving his job with the economy the way it currently is. I do understand his line of thinking, but it's not easy living in a place without four distinct seasons. It's almost unnatural. Ah well, I try to make the best of things. Today I happened to rebel.
      I appreciate your words and do thank you for caring. xx

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  2. big hugs to you friend xx
    It's so hard when you find yourself in a place or situation that's not what you want - even harder when you can't seem to do much about it.
    If following your blog has taught me anything, it is that there is beauty in this harsh environment, so much beauty. It might not be the landscape you want, but it is special and has qualities to be admired, perhaps the same qualities that might reside within you :)

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    1. Yes, the desert can be a beautiful place. I'll give you that. :)
      It's just not what I thought it would be and I do feel the loss of the seasonal changes very strongly, like some internal thing I cannot control. I often wonder why I am here....it must be something more than just an incredibly uneducated choice made so many years ago.
      Thanks for your incredibly insightful words. You've given me something, (other than the weather), to think about.
      I'm tougher than this place....

      xoxo


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  3. Wilderness is not a luxury but a necessity of the human spirit. Edward Abbey said that. Have you read Desert Solitaire?
    That quote reminds me of just how you're feeling.
    Oh, Sagey. It sounds like too much dust and wind is staggering your spirit.
    My heart goes out to you because I understand completely, your discontent. About that terrible, terrible wind!!!
    I've been thinking about you. I've been thinking about me. How people want different things.
    There you are, wiping off ancient pottery shards, among yucca, piñon and grama, all the while longing for snow and trees.
    And here I am, warming my hands by the fire, looking at pictures of New Mexico and Florida, wishing I lived somewhere warm. A place where it doesn't snow. Where I can step outside my house every day barefoot, to know I can be outside all day long if I want.
    To walk to work without getting blown over. To never have to wear three layers of wool or shovel a walk.
    Gimme a sarong.
    So you see, we are the same. Only different.
    And I know we will both find that place that speaks to us.
    Meanwhile, go read that E. Abbey book! Or map out some new routes through the Colorado mountains that you want to explore this summer! Start dreaming and scheming!
    That's what I do. ;)
    Owl hoots and spring love coming your way via a northern Wyoming wind. xoxo

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    1. Desert Solitaire was my bible back in my 20's!! In fact, I lived in Moab, Utah for quite some time. I knew those canyons like the back of my hand and spent my days wandering the labyrinth of red rocks and sagebrush backcountry. Spent my nights under the stars, listening to the howl of the coyote trickster.
      But the Rio Grande valley is a completely different monster....a monster I would rather run away from. Down here, one is never far from the threat of the big city. Although I am banned from going out to the west mesa alone, I've found a little niche out there, and that will have to do till we head back to the desolate canyon country of Colorado and Utah.
      Send me some of that snow, sister. I'll send you the sun and sand. Yes, we are the same, but different.
      ---insert coyote howl---
      xoxo

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  4. "I find you in storms, I feel you in the lightning, I miss you in rain." I love-LOVE rain!!

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    1. Beautiful words. As you can tell, I also love the rain, miss the rain, dream about the rain.

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