Monday, November 18, 2013

the awful truth

Truth is, even though I have been in Albuquerque for NINE YEARS, THREE MONTHS, AND THIRTEEN DAYS, I never completely unpacked.

I had always hoped the move to New Mexico was temporary, that some magical event would sweep me away from this place and I would find the life I was searching for in a better place, a more hospitable climate, a smaller, safer city.

Well, after nine years, three months, and thirteen days, I'm still here. So I decided to start unpacking.
I tore boxes open. I threw paper everywhere. I unwrapped things I hadn't seen in years. It felt and looked like Christmas morning.

Maybe it's because I photographed my closets so the whole world could see the state of suspension I voluntarily live in. Maybe it was the spirits that descended, softly, (like the snowflakes I miss so much), and told me they KNOW what I want. Maybe it was the wine.
Why did I finally unpack?
Because, here in New Mexico, when I water, it rains.
Naturally I thought that maybe, just maybe, if I unpack....I'll move away. 
Am I crazy? Like a fox.


  1. I still have boxes in my garage from when we moved into our house 13 years ago. Every once in a while, when we get a little ambitious and clean out the garage a little bit, I'll find a buried treasure. Just like you said about it being Christmas morning!! : ) Lovely photos!! I'm so glad I discovered your blog!! : )

    ~ Wendy

    1. So I'm not the only one with boxes hidden away! That's a relief! Thing is, I stare longingly into the closets, wishing I could use the space, yet wishing I could move far, far away and finally unpack for good. Ah, life.

      Wish me luck, I'm going back in today!

  2. Can I let you in on a little secret? I've never really felt at home where I'm at, either.
    My strategy has been, if I get rid of things, like I have been doing throughout the years, then when my time comes to finally move away from here, I will have hardly anything to take with me. Which of course, eases any moving dilemma.
    Except my cats, my art supplies, my feathers & bones hehe, Amish rocker, super nice bed and my Uggs. See how easy that's gonna be? Now, if only it was that simple finding that place that speaks to me. That place, that cabin with a wood burning stove, that smaller town, with trees and mountains and like minded community and wildlife GALORE.
    You are such a sly & brilliant fox. I believe anything could happen.
    I say, keep watering. Unpack! I'll bet you're on to something...I can feel it. ;) xx

    1. Heheheheee. I've been patting myself on the back all day for being such a crafty little fox. Sounds like you are one too! We got this figured out, lady.

      Seriously, Albuquerque has never felt like home. It was a series of uneducated choices that brought us here. The only thing that keeps us here is my husband's job.

      Ok, ok, back to work. I'm drowning in boxes and paper and stuff.

  3. Glad to hear that you are making peace with your current, but maybe not forever, residence. Your photos are so nice to look at especially in the sepia tones. Not sure I totally believe in that things are sent to teach us, but sometimes I have to wonder. For me it is almost the reverse. I am at home where I live both in house & village and my packing is of the up kind, as in packing up stuff that needs to find a new home, I had my pleasure or appreciation in & from them, now to move them on to a home of fresh wonderment. So cheers to the unpacking so that you can move :) Foxes are such beautiful creatures and they have such a playful nature.

    1. maybe it's the process of making peace with this place that will bring about change, or at least some sort of understanding.
      You are very fortunate to feel at home with your location, It's a wonderful feeling to love a place and to feel a sense of belonging.
      My dilemma is that the place I love is about five hours north of here. Close enough to visit often, far enough away to drive me crazy.

      I do love that you reminded me of the nature of foxes. :)

  4. I must admit l had a chuckle reading this :) Who knows, maybe it was the wine...but you're definitely not a fox, just human. Whatever the reason, just go with it. Enjoy your belongings and who knows....maybe find a little peace with your situation.
    Your move north will come, you want it too badly for it not too.

    1. You're right, it was probably the wine. I always get a little funky when I come back from Colorado and all that awesome country.

      Still hanging in there, still unpacking. It was about time I did anyway!